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Sunday, March 5, 2017


Okay, so last week I actually had the intention of typing up a post about some thoughts I'd been having about Pokemon GO and the buddy system, then I had thoughts about Charmed that I thought of making into a post (and I still plan on doing each of these eventually) but as Sunday got closer and closer, I felt myself losing interest in writing much of anything.  Finally, on Sunday, I ended up just lazing about.

What I mean is that I spent the day, a day I should have been cleaning, doing schoolwork and finalizing my weekly blog post just laying in bed, reading.  And I wasn't reading regular books either.  Confession time: I was reading fanfiction.  I know, it's not much of a confession when I look at previous posts.  If I write them, I have to read at least a few, right?  But here's the kicker: I was reading fanfiction as a way to detach myself from a world I've found myself increasingly losing interest in.  It's hard finding stories that don't piss me off in some way - and fanfictions are the worst for it.

It's not like I can justify disappearing to the library for hours of reading anymore.  I also can't just go out and buy every book that interests me and read as quickly as I used to.  Part of it is because the few people I deal with seem to delight in distracting me from whatever I might be working on.  It truly does annoy me when I'm reading to be drawn from a well-crafted world just to answer a question about something like dinner or a new game or going out that night for a walk...It shouldn't though.  I just have always found reading the best way to escape from a world I don't understand and, more importantly, don't wish to understand.

So, I spent last Sunday just reading, or at least trying to when a friend of ours shows up just as I was starting to get the energy to actually get up and do some much-needed housework done.  Suddenly I felt sapped.  All the energy I had gained from the enjoyable day before and the reading I'd done that morning was gone.  I didn't want to think or work or write, so I returned to finding fanfics to read.  I didn't go outside for Pokemon GO - lost that week's seventh-day rewards.  I didn't eat much.  I didn't even log on to my e-mail or Facebook...not that I check my Facebook that often anyway...  I just felt completely drained again.  Between my husband wishing to go out all the time and friends popping over to borrow our internet, I don't think I've had more than an hour to myself in the last three weeks, if not longer.  It grates on my nerves and makes me unwilling to do things I may once have loved doing.

Hell, I can't look at my stories because I know I have ideas, but there's no time for me to get all the proper research done, like rewatching a show to ensure things get written properly, but I can't seem to get ideas for the stories out of my head unless I hunt down fanfics and then I get annoyed because the stories that may actually fit the ideas in my head are either with pairings that I can't stand to read about (Harry/Hermione in anything HP related, for just one example) or use gender-bending, not as a part of the story as such that it had to occur or that the person truly felt that wy in their story, no, they use the gender-bending because they wanted to rename the character with a different name, or they will give them another sibling for that sole reason.  It doesn't matter what it was, most gender-bending stories I can't stand.  I'd rather read a story with male pregnancy than read one where this guy was actually born a girl and raised to believe they were a boy complete with all the bits.  That's not to say anything against Haku's story in Naruto.  That one is actually one I'm still unsure of their gender...

Anyway, I just needed to get a few things out of my head, and while it annoys me to no end that I feel a need to constantly strive for some time that is strictly for me and constantly failing, I love my husband who is always trying to get out and go places or spend time with me, and I love my dog who is curently sleeping after a late night in the city.

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