I keep trying to write so I might post only to get caught up in other issues. It's a new year, however, and I may have missed the first Sunday of the year, but I swear, I will post at least once a week starting with this one. There are a few times I plan to have multiple posts, such as during the months of April, July (or June, I can't remember which is the 2nd Camp NaNoWriMo,) and November are among times when I plan to post for a specific event as well as other weekly posts.
I don't have a complete plan for the posts for each month, and I'm only just typing this one so I have a way to hold myself accountable. I'm really bad about keeping to schedules and that has become a major point of contention in my household. I can't bring myself to do any major cleaning chores while others are around. A product, I'm certain, of the way I was raised and constantly left to finish my own things despite helping others. Between that and my own issues of needing things to be organized, there are a lot of small things that get done, but that I can't explain what gets done. So it seems as though I don't do anything. I'd love to vent more, but I don't think it would be fair to either him or me. I'm biased toward myself and can't give justice to what he deals with or how his mind and body work. The same is true of him in regards to myself. Neither of us truly understands what the other is going through, feeling, or putting up with.
Sometimes I think I need to talk to someone who is removed from the situation, but then I realize, I'd probably lie to them even worse than I do to myself. I would almost certainly feel the resentment I feel everytime he decides to throw things in my face. If I tell him something, he'll just use it to try to make me feel small. It succeeds and sends me further in a downward spiral, but I can't tell him that because it makes him feel as though it's his fault, and it's not. I have issues. I know this. I do my best, but it never seems to be good enough. I can't seem to make him understand I'm not him. I won't put out several hundred applications and resumes for other jobs because I know I'm not well qualified for anything even with the experience in the workforce I have. I don't have a degree.
That's off what this post is to be about though. This is supposed to be a schedule for if not the full year at least the rest of this month in regards to a posting schedule. Since there are only two more Sundays to the month, I'd much rather keep them open seeing as I'm still not certain what I'm going to post. I do plan to write and leave a post despite not having a set plan, yet.
