Prejudice in Reverse?

In a world that has been increasingly made aware of the continuous prejudices in the world, I can't help but wonder why it seems like the issues are striving to go to the opposite extreme.

Don't get me wrong, prejudice in all forms exists.  Racism, ageism, sizism, gender discrimination, etc. permeate all realms of our lives.  Hell, I grew up attending mostly white schools.  My mother upon hearing I had signed up for the military had a few "words of wisdom" to impart.  Basically, what those words were showed that though she had denied being so when I was growing up, she was racist.  She told me to be careful, especially of the black guys.  I had a black male friend and I couldn't help wondering how she really felt about several of my friends - most of whom were males and some were not white.  She moved us because she didn't want us to be influenced by her parents who were according to her, chauvinistic.  While my grandfather may have had problems with my mother doing things that were seen as male, I remember him and my grandmother encouraging us to do as we wanted even if those dreams weren't what they thought we should do.

Recently, I read a story about a woman who has had to put down books written by guys telling a story from a female point of view because they'll have a woman walking alone at night, but there is no thought about her own safety or how she might be attacked on her way home.  As a young-ish female, I have to admit that I have had walks where those thoughts do come into play.  However, it's not a regular occurrence. In fact, it's really only a thought that I have every once in a small while unless I go somewhere I don't know very well.  This, however, got me to wondering if guys who read books from a male point of view see the same disparities that women notice.

See, I've read numerous stories and I can't always tell the gender of the author based on what I'm reading because even if it is typical of a gender according to society, it does not mean it's unrealistic.  Typically females will ask for directions according to general society, however, MythBusters did happen to bust it, and I can further confirm that not all females will ask for help.  It just fits the mold we've tried to condemn ourselves to constantly.

Beyond that, we think of WW2 as a prime example of racism when the Jewish religion is not a race, but religion or faith.  Being Jewish is the same as being Muslim, Catholic, or Wiccan - not defined by how one looks but by personal beliefs.  But prejudice doesn't just get perpetrated by the perceived majorities.  Women are considered a minority even though they make up just over half of the population.  In South America, blacks made the majority but racism is considered to be perpetrated solely by the white people who were in control.  There are still problems with whites and males thinking they are better than everyone else and who wish to keep control as a white patriarchal society, but the so-called minorities are fighting back and have been since the very beginning.  We usually refer to teenage rebellion, but isn't that exactly what we need?  The feelings of oppression that make us refuse to bow down to someone else's idea of whom we should be?  These are things that have caused change to all of a sudden take over the news.

Legalized same-sex marriage, the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell and so much more are the results of people refusing to be told that they are wrong, that they're feelings are incorrect.  In fact, these people countered societal norms, which is good.  The problem is that there are people who are trying to beat the past into our faces as problems that need to be removed from existence.  We, women, get all upset over men who think they know what we go through or deal with and yet we do the same to them.  We get yelled at for "cultural appropriation" and get told we can no longer use certain words because they are offensive.  Then we use them because that's what we've grown into a habit of doing or that's how we were taught, we get penalized for not immediately conforming to avoiding using things that others find offensive.

I'm not saying that we shouldn't be aware of what we've done or said, but that doesn't mean we should remove all traces of what our past is.  In fact, that could cause more issues because we have forgotten what was done.  In doing that, we open ourselves to repeating the mistakes of the past in a manner that could actually be worse.

This brings us to what I started with.  Are there things that readers have noticed that immediately aided in helping them to identify something about the author?  Something other than what we get told about?


**This was started to be posted on the 20th of January.  I apologize for the long wait but I was deterred by other things.  I will also have last week's original posting and hopefully this week's by the end of the day Sunday.

Competition Vs Inclusion

So the last couple of weeks have been crazy busy - we moved and I managed to get an abscessed tooth.  Not fun.  Then on Tuesday, I hear about a school in New Jersey changing their sports policy to allow basically any student who wants on a team to be on said team.  I need to admit here and now, before putting down the rest of my thoughts, that I don't know anything more than a few very vague details.  Apparently, a student got so upset at not making the team, their parents complained to get them on causing the school to change its policy.  Again, I do not know the specifics.  I could have any number of things wrong with the story I heard.

As for what I wanted to say about this "more inclusive" policy, I am in two minds about it.  On one hand, I am glad that kids who are serious about a sport but perhaps aren't as talented as others get to join their sports team, however, I am also upset at the even less realistic competitive environment this school seems to be promoting.  To explain what I mean:  When these same students attempt to get a job, will this make them think they should be hired despite possibly not being qualified because they were allowed to join a competitive team in high school but did not necessarily have the talent to back up the position received.  On the other hand, those who have focused and truly want to go on to become professionals in said sport may not get the chance because of the lack of ability to show how good they truly are to scouts for both college teams/scholarships and the professional teams.

What it comes down to is it could be good depending on how this new policy is implemented.  If, for example, they have a tiered system where all those who try-out automatically make a team but the team made is dependant on skill and talent.  Those who are dedicated and constantly practice make the higher competitive teams and those who thought they were able to get by without putting in the effort would be on the least competitive team.  Thinking about it, it would be similar to that of how most bands and academic teams function.   Those who are willing to put in the time and effort, get to be in the most wanted positions, but those who aren't willing to work hard to keep that position could end up basically being an equipment manager or last chance alternate.

If, however, they just let them join with no extra plan to ensure that those who are dedicated to what happens to be their passion can both pursue and be recognized for it, then it could truly be a detriment for everyone in that school.  Of course, I don't know what is involved in the actual plans for this particular school's new policy, but there will be those who are not willing to even give it a chance.  Because of this, there could be a lot of good from the policy that gets diminished.  At the same time, there are going to be those who can see no problems with the new policy.  The issue with that would be no making the policy better by looking at the problems and finding a way to fix them.

Again, I don't know specifics with this, but these were my thoughts based on the small amount of information I had regarding them.


I'm posting this a day late mostly because of the move and then Mother's Day (which I hope all mothers had a wonderfully relaxing day!)  Also, my computer still hasn't been put back together after the move, so I had to borrow my husband's.

Have we Always Competed?

At a very young age, I learned that failure, while upsetting, was necessary.  It was learned quickly in a family of five children with five cousins on one side.  I learned to wear masks because of the competitions.  Even in a small town, I was always competing for any scrap of recognition.  Today, I've stopped caring about getting recognition.  I only want acknowledgement of the fact that yes, my words were heard.  I don't care if it's only by my dog.  Does this mean I don't make attempts to be acknowledged?  No, it just means I'm less likely to make a fuss if I don't get what I want or don't win.

There are things that I've ignored over the years that maybe I should have grit my teeth and stood fast about.  There are events that I did well at, but as soon as I started to gain attention for them, I, as I think back on those times, believe I may have self-sabotaged them.  I made it to regional spelling bee, but knowing we would never afford the expenses and feeling self-conscious about being on a stage in front of numerous people I didn't know, I screwed up on spelling the word frugal.  I was in sixth grade and the likelihood of me being in a spelling bee ever again was nonexistent.  Did I want to win?  Yes.  Why did I misspell frugal?  I had never seen the word before. (Never saw the word mutton but spelled it just fine.)  I had wished to locate where my family were sitting in the audience before I misspelled a word.  Yes, I had a very defeatist attitude, but it's only enforced by the number of times my family would ignore or discard things regarding myself.  I became accustomed to not getting what I wanted.

I became accustomed to being the scapegoat because everyone else would spin the story just right that I had no recourse but to accept my allotment.  I recently spent time with my mother and it was brought up, once again, an old event that maybe shouldn't have happened on my end, but a key piece of information was always left out by my siblings.  I'm always remembered to be the one chasing after my brother with a hammer.  I got in trouble for it.  When my mom brought it up this time, I couldn't hold back.  I raged in my short explosive burst of a rage about that every forgets that he was chasing one of my sister's first.  My mom had a quick reply.  "I was never told about this."  My response?  "Yeah, well everyone always forgets that part don't they?"  She was quiet until we were searching for the location we were heading to.

Am I bitter about that event?  Of course.  I get in trouble for chasing my brother with a hammer - never hit him with it, wasn't even indicating that I would.  When a few years later I'm hit in the back of the head by him with a cast iron skillet, there was no outcry.  Worry was almost nonexistent and once again I was reminded that I was at the bottom of the pole when it came to my place within the family.  Like I said, there has always got to be a loser.

We have a need to be needed and wanted, but also to prove ourselves as better or smarter than someone else.  It's not always grand but sometimes when I think back to my childhood, I wonder if things would have been different if I'd have lived with my father or actually gone through with my runaway attempts.  Trust me, I thought about escaping my family in numerous ways and even started to plan said escapes, but never went through.  I never truly tried.  In several ways I did a disservice to myself.  However, I could never forgive myself if I had somehow failed those who were truly counting on me.  The ones who needed me to fail so they could do better.  The ones who needed someone to play the sheltered, naive, smart kid who was the target for verbal bullying.  I went with the flow a lot, but there were times where I stopped and said not this time.

Sadly, those times were few and far between.  Now, I don't worry about upsetting so-called family, mine or my husband's (and yes, this pisses him off to no end.  Seriously, we avoid the two, TWO, extended family events that my family has, but you expect me to call off work for every single one of yours?  Nope, not happening.  That's a minimum three events.  And it's only been in the last couple of years, not the last five like he claimed.).  I stopped trying to figure out what would make them happy.  I think I may have stopped caring even.  I don't worry about holding myself back, at least not too much, but I'm still working on knowing who I am and what exactly I want.  What I'm still willing to put up with and what I need to speak up about not putting up with anymore.

What about you?  Were you a winner or scapegoat?  It's not bad letting others win, just make certain that you find something that matters to you that you don't budge on.  Let the things that don't matter to you slide, but hold fast to the things you feel strongly about.  It's not a bad idea to take a step back or to make a decision to make them work for things.  Family should be those who care about you, not those whom are constantly tearing you down with nothing to help build you back up.

Rambling of Current Events to Unknown

With all the unrest in the United States, I couldn't help but wonder about a few things this week. First, I guess I should explain a small thing, at least, small to me. I don't pay as much attention to current events as I should. It's not just that I don't have television, either. I just got tired of trying to watch the news as a kid for more of the important events and finding glorified horror stories. Quite honestly, if you're a writer and need a plot bunny, you likely don't need to go much further than the evening news.

The next thing I should explain is that when it comes to Facebook or social media of any kind, I am the least likely of persons to actually use said outlet effectively. I use Facebook as an example, but the same is true of Twitter and any other social media site I have an account with. It's not because I don't wish to connect with other people, though. I just don't heave enough time in a day for everything I want to do as well as need to do. And even though I'm of the generation that can still add, subtract, multiply, and divide using either pan and paper or a calculator; I'm not as computer savvy as people seem to think.

When users on Facebook used a rainbow filter on their profile pics back when the United States legalized same-sex marriages, I did not. It's not because I have a thing against it either. No, I honestly believe that so long as a person believes themselves in love with another person they should be allowed to be together in marriage if that's what they truly want. I'm just to lazy to edit a profile pic that shows support to something I'm just not paying attention to in the news because I have too many other things to worry about(like Christmas gifts for numerous nieces and a few nephews!)

So, after explaining that no, I'm not current events aware and that most of my information is minimum secondhand (though more likely fifthhand...) I must admit I started wondering why people have to be politically correct. And by politically correct, I mean the BS of speaking the “correct” term to describe someone's description. If I said a black man did something or claimed that someone is black because that is the color I perceive their skin to be or that someone appeared Asian by look, suddenly I'm prejudiced, according to some. These are most likely the extremists, but it colors our whole way of communicating.

The biggest thing on my mind was when did we decide saying the truth was so offensive as to reasonable grounds to call someone else prejudiced? It's not like we weren't all raised differently based on the values of those who raised us. Our experiences also likely changed our opinions as well as what we've read and watched through various forms of media. I started rewatching some old shows and I've found that when some of these shows have a strong female character, they don't make them realistic. Some books or short stories are the same. If you read fanfiction, I'm sure you've noticed that some of the characters are taken to the extreme “never wrong” standpoint. This actually annoys me and I find myself enjoying shows that center on males.

This is not the way things should be. Yes, jokes about women or blacks or gays are going to be commonplace. Just as jokes about Pollocks, geeks, blondes, and moms (I've heard numerous relating to all of these over my 29 years of life, and don't find them offensive if delivered in a way that indicates the joker is actually telling a joke) are abundant. However, when I'm reading a story or watching as a story unfolds on a screen of any kind, I want to be able to relate to the characters personalities. I referenced a quote in an earlier blogpost, Tyranny through Shamefor what we Read?, about YA reading defenders admitting that part of the enjoyment of reading YA had to to with escapism. I could not and still cannot nor will I argue this point. I agree with it. Lucky for me, this particular point plays to my advantage in this post.

When I read or watch something, yes, by now I'm very well away of what the ending is likely to be. The guy and girl end up together, the villain is defeated, and everyone lives happily ever after. Or at least that is the general premise for most stories. Sometimes it's annoying. Today I find myself looking for the romances that people seemed to fall into with their personalities rather than their hearts (mostly catered to in fanfiction.) I've started looking for more in relationships that are meant to only be either close friendships, frenemy status, or sibling-like. I'm not saying it's wrong. It's just something I'm looking for that's different. Mysteries end up with the lead detective or team figuring out the case. We know everything will be wrapped up with a pretty little bow and “happily ever after”. What we don't know and that which intrigues us, is the journeys taken. That's why we tend to be drawn in. It's the characters that keep us there. I can't get behind a female who is always right, but lords it over her friends or family or both and gets away with it. Characters that are able to manipulate everyone around them and when their victims realize it, the perpetrators are forgiven. They don't even hold or show resentment for what the person had done!

It doesn't seem realistic enough even if it's in a fantasy world. No matter how much time is given or how much someone claims to have forgiven someone, there is still a little piece of resentment in their heart at what was done to them. Mercedes Lackey managed in her Dragon Jouster series to weave it in such a way that while yes the main character held resentment toward and for a certain person due to circumstances outside of their control, the resentment was still there. It would peak through in some of the interactions when they were of equal status again. Yes the character understood and appreciated everything he'd done for him, he also resented that the man had been a part of the system and never seemed to try to fix it.

The journey is what is great. When I read I jump in head first. When I watch a show, my brain keeps trying to see things that don't quite exist or relate it to what I'm aware of. The authors and creators don't worry about being politically correct because they exist in a different world where what they say while expected to be grammatically correct isn't expected to be inoffensive. The characters take on lives of their own and it's a lot more noticeable in written works than it is in a show or movie. The nuances are in both, just more readily received through the written word rather than a visual representation.

I know I got off whatever I was originally going to type up for this post and part of that is because I managed to get sick earlier this week. In fact I got sick just as I was going to finish this post, edit it, and schedule it for posting last Sunday. It didn't happen so instead I'll just have to post this this Sunday and hope you understand what I've ranted about. Feel free to ask for clarification or rants about something else. Yes I still plan to type up Session posts for LANZ, but I'll probably start them back up after the New Year.

Yes I do plan to go over last year's resolutions and decide if they'll be the same this year or if some of them may change. Last year's resolution post can be found as  Resolutions for 2015.

Envy, Pity, and Why?

I've always been envious of others.  I freely admit that I succumb regularly to this sin.  I won't however do anything towards freeing myself of those envies.

My older sister was a straight-A student.  All of my siblings were more popular.  My brother was a boy.  Other girls' hair didn't tangle as quickly.  One of my sisters was a blonde.  Those I call friends were always more open than I or had family members that actually cared about them.  Others were more athletic.  They had better stories to tell or juicy gossip to entrance others with.  They knew exactly what they wanted in life.  They were better looking.  They had better brains.  They had a defined talent.

Then, between Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood(FMAB) and Criminal Minds, I realized something: everyone is envious of something.  We grow up in a society where we are told to be happy with ourselves but can see those whom we look up to long for the hairstyle of someone else.  We are taught that being of a certain look will automatically make one better socially or targeted for social homicide.  Being smart wasn't always so great.

As a matter of fact, even during the nineties early two thousands, being so into a piece of fiction like Doctor Who, Harry Potter, Supernatural, or Sherlock made one the perfect target for bullies.  But we are informed that it's okay to be whom we are even if it is some overzealous stalking fan who may eventually kill.  We are taught that going to the extreme of killing someone is wrong.  Sometimes, as an adult, I envy today's children.

They will likely not be raised to Sabrina, the Teenage Witch; Matlock; Diagnosis Murder; or Power Rangers the way I had been.  But the teasing and dissing of what they enjoy won't be as bad either.  They'll easily find others who enjoy the same things as them due to social media online, but they'll lose that face-to-face interaction that brings about local book clubs and coffee dates(though I despise coffee!)  Children of today's world aren't raised with the story lines we had.  The shows for younger children seem almost above intelligence for their age, and then for the teens, below intelligence levels.

With how we've become severely"do not offend" and "keep things politically correct (PC)" at least in America, it seems our entertainment is taking it to one extreme or the other, and that's not always a good thing.  It just feels as though things aren't the same, and while that's good, on the whole I am not as envious of the next generation as I had thought.

Sure they've got awesome paraphernalia for their fandoms and more ways than ever to keep themselves entertained, but now the corporations are able to connect all of the ways you keep information electronically which makes it a hell of a lot easier to target a person for identity theft.  I've already seen instances in folks my own age trying and failing to do the simple math problems like 29-14 that we had drilled in our heads so much that we could answer thirty of them in a minute without a problem.  They can't walk on their own even down the street for fear of the various types of human predators instead of animal and if they want to stay at a friend's?  Forget it unless they have all manner of ways to immediately be reached by the parents/guardians.  Yes they might have a more tolerant future, but what kind of future is it when they've become slaves to their electronics?  They may not know what a picnic is or enjoy a walk in the woods listening to the lake it surrounds.  They might not be able to enjoy a trail ride or swim freely at the beach.  It's for those reasons that I don't envy them.  Because one day, there might not be parks to walk through, beaches to sun on, or woods to wander, I actually pity them.

Bigheaded Stars?

So, last Sunday I just didn't have any inspiration, but this week?  Last night one of my friends' significant other was working when a band just happened to pull into the gas station.  He mentioned that he was a fan and was offered an autograph by the lead singer.

I should probably inform you at this point that this friends' significant other is very similar to my husband, just as my friend and I are very similar.  We all happen to like the band that pulled in and offered him an autograph.  It wasn't surprising when he turned them down.  See, he had been asked to work a shift when he's usually sleeping so he work his night shift which he was supposed to work tonight.  This meant that my friends had to put off their plans for homemade BBQ chicken that she was going to make when she got home.  On top of that, he works at a gas station.  What was he going to have them sign?  Their receipt?  His arm?

So apparently, his refusal of an autograph, which he would have been ecstatic to get if he and my friend were attending the band's concert when offered, prompted them to possibly doubt the fact that he was indeed a fan of their music because they apparently asked him for one of his favorite songs by them.  Now as I previously mentioned I'm a fan of the band as well as is his significant other and my own husband.  When I was informed of this my mind literally drew a blank as to any of their songs!

However I recognized the band as one I enjoyed as I looked them up on YouTube, where I realized rather quickly that they were the band for some of my favorite songs.  Now it's not that I don't know the songs because when I listen to them or watch a well created amv(anime music video) that was created to the songs by them I don't always realize who the artists are.

This brings me to my point though, are celebrities getting to expect too much out of those who claim to enjoy their work?  I can't tell you the name of every actor or actress and all of their performances that I enjoy.  When I say I enjoy something and then get quizzed to prove that I know who or what I'm talking about, it makes me start to hate what I enjoyed.  I can enjoy an artist's music but despise the artist.  I hate hearing people say they won't listen to something or watch something because a person they don't like is the one performing it or even in it(and yes there are people that refuse to watch something because of a specific actress.  My mother-in-law hates Lindsay Lohan.)

Why are we expected to be able to list what songs or movies or performances those that we enjoy have to their name?  Why are fans expected to have at all times a list of things to put proof to their fan credence?

Real Life Masks

So, I've been trying to think of what I wanted to talk about this week and I have to say that the only thing that really stuck out in my mind was how things have changed.  It's not just that I've grown up or that I've had more "real world" experience.  No, it's about how things have changed as time has gone on.  I grew up mostly in less urban, more rural areas.

I grew up in the '90s.  No, I didn't get into drugs or going to parties all the time where alcohol was a staple.  I also never really worried about being labeled.  I was teased enough by my cousins about my mud-like hair, though my sister's hair was the same and they referred to it as "more chocolatey", my lack of being normal, and my inability to be as they thought I should.

I loved playing basketball and the school I attended at first was very encouraging.  Then we moved.  This new town had basketball teams, but as I aged I learned that it was more a male's sport and the girls were supposed to cheer or play volleyball.  If they wanted to play basketball, they needed the money to be allowed the privilege at a local community center.  At ten years old, I didn't really understand, nor did I want to.  I had moved to Illinois from South Carolina.  In S.C., I had learned to keep my differences hidden as much as possible and that I was likely to be blamed for things that went wrong.

Anything against the rules was my fault, according to my babysitter and her son who was my age.  If I tried to tell my mother or dad what happened, they didn't have time to listen.  In fact, the only times I really got praised was if I managed to keep quiet and out of the way.  Then as I got older I was expected to anticipate what the adults, whether it was a teacher, relative, or someone else, expected out of me.  At one point I was proud of my school and tried to keep things clean.  My family never realized it, but I despised messes.  Clean was queen.  The problem? I became the scapegoat.

No, seriously.  I was the scapegoat.  Lily* has a tantrum?  Ency caused it.  Janine's* dolls are missing?  Ency hid them.  Michael's* being chased by a hammer-wielding Ency?  She's in a bad mood again.  Sylvia's* hair's been cut?  Ency did it while she was sleeping.  The girls' bedroom is a mess?  Ency trashed it.  The kids were late for school?  Ency took forever to get ready.

They forget about the reason behind the behavior.  Lily didn't get her way, because the toy she wanted was mine and I was playing with it.  Janine misplaced her dolls or hid them so no one else could play with them.  Sylvia cut her own chopped off hair and refused to get in trouble for doing such a bad job.  The really bad thing, in my opinion, is the things that were forgotten even by my siblings.  Michael had chased Sylvia with the previously stated hammer before I could wrench it out of his hands.  I only chased him because he wanted to end it there without apologizing for terrifying Sylvia out of her mind.  I never threw our toys or books around the room.  Cards, sure.  I'd be playing fifty-two card pick-up because neither my siblings nor cousins wanted to play with me.  The reason I took my time?  The one morning after being ready for school I got the nerve to ask my mother if we could go to school early (I really wanted to play on the jungle gym!) she asked if I was ready.  I told her yes because I was.  She told me I was allowed to go early.  I got in trouble upon arriving home because I went without Janine or Lily.  What does that tell a girl?  I was excited, but I wasn't allowed to go to school because my sisters couldn't decide on the outfit they wished to wear.

I could get really good grades on a project, and win the project to take home, but even after promising to showcase it, it always paled to anything my siblings did.  Now things have changed.  I still get treated differently, but it's because I have no children or driver's license.  It's because I don't have a college degree and my dreams that I thought I once had no longer exist.

These changes aren't new.  Things I once loved like family and conservation, became my family members focus when I finally stopped trying.  I took pride in my family, once upon a time.  Now, I distance myself and avoid them because they were never there when I needed them, but expected me to drop everything and do what I could for them.  Sure my husband and I lived with my mother for a few years when we couldn't stand staying with our hypocritical friends any longer.  But she still expected way too much out of us when I barely kept myself sane as it was.

Everyone has masks.  This statement, no matter what anyone says, is true.  Even a baby has a mask.  It's the mask of innocence.  The inability to communicate their needs and wants using the words they will one day learn unless they happen to be mute.  In my case, I have multiple masks that all change as time goes by.  I can guarantee that most adults who are no longer in the teenage years have at least three masks to cover who they are.  There's the them they present to the family.  This one conforms to what is expected by what they have constantly repeated.  These expectations have been reinforced by things family has done or said over the course of the person's life.  In my case, it's to be strong, emotionally, and violent.  I can't be right about anything except spelling and the little nuggets of information I have in my head are inconsequential.  When it comes right down to it, I don't matter as much as others in my family or even my husband.

Then there are friends.  It started with the first impression and rumors, things they knew not to trust but until they could prove that they would be there through thick and thin, they had to expect.  It's also the things you believe they think because of the way they were raised.  For me, it's once again violence and emotionally strong.  There's also strange humor and a willingness to say whatever I feel though tactfully.  A leader willing to follow until the need for a leader becomes so strong my willingness to be patient runs out.  It's pretending to enjoy something I hate because my friend's friend, whom I have never before met, has just been through a nasty break up.  It's a second mask.

Then there's the mask you use in the face of strangers and for first impressions.  Mine happens to be very friendly.  No violence is required unless in defense.  It's outgoing and all smiles.  Sometimes it's an annoying facade since even a remotely bad mood is noted.  However, it can usually also be noticed by the observant that it's a false smile.  There isn't anything wrong with it after all "smiles go for miles," but sometimes a person just needs to cry.  Sometimes they have a bad day and don't wish to speak of it.  Sometimes a person doesn't wish to deal with strangers.

When I was growing up, each of these masks were started.  They kept getting refined to the point that I no longer knew who I was or what I wanted.  That period of self-discovery most teens go through?  Yeah, I skipped.  In fact, I went from a joking conversationalist in preschool who did everything they could to protect others against cruelty (Think you can tease the black girls?  Ency will scream you out.  Think you can throw ice at Lily?  Ency will get even with you for her, and you'll have the marks to prove it.  I was a big believer in the only do unto others as you would have done to you.) to someone who stopped believing in the good of humanity but managed to pretend and keep herself busy.

Anyway, I better stop there as I'm getting tired and need sleep.  My next rant will likely be related to America's Independence Day, the Fourth of July.  I hope everyone has a happy Fourth of July!



*Names are changed to protect the actual people portrayed.

Stereotypes on Father's Day

Last Sunday was Father's Day.  I missed posting my Sunday rant thanks to real life (hereafter in any rant RL,) but there was an article in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch that caught my eye. This was supposed to be last Sunday's rant.  Defying Stereotypes was the headline which I thought was cool then I read the subheading: Study shows black fathers are just as involved as other dads in parenting their children - even when they live apart.

Okay...so I never heard anything about black fathers being less of a dad than mine, nor did I hear derogatory things about other races' male parental figures.  Then I thought what is a stereotype?  According to the Merriam-Webster website a stereotype is "to believe unfairly that all people or things with a particular characteristic are the same" or "an often unfair and untrue belief that many people have about all people or things with a particular characteristic."

So essentially, our nation is based upon stereotypes and trying to outrun them.  We've had the prohibition era which was full of stereotyping.  We learned about the "savage" Native Americans.  We even learned about "evil" Nazis and how their main goal was to rid the world of Jews (which is a religion, not a race) using stereotyping(Jews weren't human, brown hair and eyes was Jew, etc.).  

Even our entertainment includes stereotypes.  In Harry Potter, it's symbolized by the house partitions in Hogwarts.  Tamora Pierce emphasizes it in her Circle of Magic series/set with a noble, thief, tradesman, and nomad.  Then she does so in her Tortall set stories with the men vs. women issues.  And she shows it through both knights-in-training and police force.  She also shows the stereotypes about different areas that they travel amongst.  From the Lower City of Corus to the Scanran raiders to the north.  In Twilight (which honestly I don't like) Stephanie Meyer throws most of what is known about werewolves and vampires out the window.  Perhaps she did her research to find these different kinds of creatures, but hers aren't the stereotypical which had caused arguments to spawn across readers and movie-goers about whether the stories were any good.

Then there are the stereotypes about items.  One that I personally tend to agree with is when a book is made into a movie, the book is always better.  That however isn't always true.  Sometimes they are just as good, my biggest book to movie adaptation let-down?  The Harry Potter series.  The disappointment began all the way back with movie number one.  I was looking forward to the logic problem scene.  That and Hermione's impassioned speech about how there is more to life than books and cleverness.  The third movie in my opinion was the largest let-down, of course my expectations weren't nearly as high after that for the rest of the movies, so for me the disappointments weren't nearly as devastating.

Although Ella Enchanted, I thought, was well done.  There are likely others that don't fit the proverbial mold.  The fact that we still allow ourselves to follow stereotypes managed to upset me.  I fit numerous stereotypes without actually fitting them.

Yes, I game, but I'm not a hardcore gamer.  Yes, I know random trivial facts, but I don't follow any particular trivia type.  Yes, I watch drama and chick flicks.  I have my favored actors and actresses, but unless it relates to what they are doing next in their careers, I don't really care.  The whole Lewinski thing back in the late nineties, why did it matter if it didn't affect his job?  I mean I could understand if Clinton were say a priest or minister or an advocate for monogamous relationships, but why was seemingly everyone so concerned with whether or not he had had sexual relations with Lewinski?  Then again the fact that he lied while under oath?  That was a felony.  We've gotten to a point where if we hear someone is a politician, we automatically don't trust them quite as much.  I can't tell the number of times I've heard the phrase "No such thing as an honest politician."  Isn't this just another stereotype?  

How about the abused will become the abuser?  I know a fair few people who have been either abused or neglected as a child and never had the help we claim they should have had.  They've been doing just fine.  So how is it that when claiming something like defying stereotypes the article only focuses one particular stereotype?  Not just any stereotype either, it's the the stereotype of black fathers being less fatherly than others.  So why is it that stereotypes are so much a part of our lives and society?