Prejudice in Reverse?

In a world that has been increasingly made aware of the continuous prejudices in the world, I can't help but wonder why it seems like the issues are striving to go to the opposite extreme.

Don't get me wrong, prejudice in all forms exists.  Racism, ageism, sizism, gender discrimination, etc. permeate all realms of our lives.  Hell, I grew up attending mostly white schools.  My mother upon hearing I had signed up for the military had a few "words of wisdom" to impart.  Basically, what those words were showed that though she had denied being so when I was growing up, she was racist.  She told me to be careful, especially of the black guys.  I had a black male friend and I couldn't help wondering how she really felt about several of my friends - most of whom were males and some were not white.  She moved us because she didn't want us to be influenced by her parents who were according to her, chauvinistic.  While my grandfather may have had problems with my mother doing things that were seen as male, I remember him and my grandmother encouraging us to do as we wanted even if those dreams weren't what they thought we should do.

Recently, I read a story about a woman who has had to put down books written by guys telling a story from a female point of view because they'll have a woman walking alone at night, but there is no thought about her own safety or how she might be attacked on her way home.  As a young-ish female, I have to admit that I have had walks where those thoughts do come into play.  However, it's not a regular occurrence. In fact, it's really only a thought that I have every once in a small while unless I go somewhere I don't know very well.  This, however, got me to wondering if guys who read books from a male point of view see the same disparities that women notice.

See, I've read numerous stories and I can't always tell the gender of the author based on what I'm reading because even if it is typical of a gender according to society, it does not mean it's unrealistic.  Typically females will ask for directions according to general society, however, MythBusters did happen to bust it, and I can further confirm that not all females will ask for help.  It just fits the mold we've tried to condemn ourselves to constantly.

Beyond that, we think of WW2 as a prime example of racism when the Jewish religion is not a race, but religion or faith.  Being Jewish is the same as being Muslim, Catholic, or Wiccan - not defined by how one looks but by personal beliefs.  But prejudice doesn't just get perpetrated by the perceived majorities.  Women are considered a minority even though they make up just over half of the population.  In South America, blacks made the majority but racism is considered to be perpetrated solely by the white people who were in control.  There are still problems with whites and males thinking they are better than everyone else and who wish to keep control as a white patriarchal society, but the so-called minorities are fighting back and have been since the very beginning.  We usually refer to teenage rebellion, but isn't that exactly what we need?  The feelings of oppression that make us refuse to bow down to someone else's idea of whom we should be?  These are things that have caused change to all of a sudden take over the news.

Legalized same-sex marriage, the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell and so much more are the results of people refusing to be told that they are wrong, that they're feelings are incorrect.  In fact, these people countered societal norms, which is good.  The problem is that there are people who are trying to beat the past into our faces as problems that need to be removed from existence.  We, women, get all upset over men who think they know what we go through or deal with and yet we do the same to them.  We get yelled at for "cultural appropriation" and get told we can no longer use certain words because they are offensive.  Then we use them because that's what we've grown into a habit of doing or that's how we were taught, we get penalized for not immediately conforming to avoiding using things that others find offensive.

I'm not saying that we shouldn't be aware of what we've done or said, but that doesn't mean we should remove all traces of what our past is.  In fact, that could cause more issues because we have forgotten what was done.  In doing that, we open ourselves to repeating the mistakes of the past in a manner that could actually be worse.

This brings us to what I started with.  Are there things that readers have noticed that immediately aided in helping them to identify something about the author?  Something other than what we get told about?


**This was started to be posted on the 20th of January.  I apologize for the long wait but I was deterred by other things.  I will also have last week's original posting and hopefully this week's by the end of the day Sunday.

Have we Always Competed?

At a very young age, I learned that failure, while upsetting, was necessary.  It was learned quickly in a family of five children with five cousins on one side.  I learned to wear masks because of the competitions.  Even in a small town, I was always competing for any scrap of recognition.  Today, I've stopped caring about getting recognition.  I only want acknowledgement of the fact that yes, my words were heard.  I don't care if it's only by my dog.  Does this mean I don't make attempts to be acknowledged?  No, it just means I'm less likely to make a fuss if I don't get what I want or don't win.

There are things that I've ignored over the years that maybe I should have grit my teeth and stood fast about.  There are events that I did well at, but as soon as I started to gain attention for them, I, as I think back on those times, believe I may have self-sabotaged them.  I made it to regional spelling bee, but knowing we would never afford the expenses and feeling self-conscious about being on a stage in front of numerous people I didn't know, I screwed up on spelling the word frugal.  I was in sixth grade and the likelihood of me being in a spelling bee ever again was nonexistent.  Did I want to win?  Yes.  Why did I misspell frugal?  I had never seen the word before. (Never saw the word mutton but spelled it just fine.)  I had wished to locate where my family were sitting in the audience before I misspelled a word.  Yes, I had a very defeatist attitude, but it's only enforced by the number of times my family would ignore or discard things regarding myself.  I became accustomed to not getting what I wanted.

I became accustomed to being the scapegoat because everyone else would spin the story just right that I had no recourse but to accept my allotment.  I recently spent time with my mother and it was brought up, once again, an old event that maybe shouldn't have happened on my end, but a key piece of information was always left out by my siblings.  I'm always remembered to be the one chasing after my brother with a hammer.  I got in trouble for it.  When my mom brought it up this time, I couldn't hold back.  I raged in my short explosive burst of a rage about that every forgets that he was chasing one of my sister's first.  My mom had a quick reply.  "I was never told about this."  My response?  "Yeah, well everyone always forgets that part don't they?"  She was quiet until we were searching for the location we were heading to.

Am I bitter about that event?  Of course.  I get in trouble for chasing my brother with a hammer - never hit him with it, wasn't even indicating that I would.  When a few years later I'm hit in the back of the head by him with a cast iron skillet, there was no outcry.  Worry was almost nonexistent and once again I was reminded that I was at the bottom of the pole when it came to my place within the family.  Like I said, there has always got to be a loser.

We have a need to be needed and wanted, but also to prove ourselves as better or smarter than someone else.  It's not always grand but sometimes when I think back to my childhood, I wonder if things would have been different if I'd have lived with my father or actually gone through with my runaway attempts.  Trust me, I thought about escaping my family in numerous ways and even started to plan said escapes, but never went through.  I never truly tried.  In several ways I did a disservice to myself.  However, I could never forgive myself if I had somehow failed those who were truly counting on me.  The ones who needed me to fail so they could do better.  The ones who needed someone to play the sheltered, naive, smart kid who was the target for verbal bullying.  I went with the flow a lot, but there were times where I stopped and said not this time.

Sadly, those times were few and far between.  Now, I don't worry about upsetting so-called family, mine or my husband's (and yes, this pisses him off to no end.  Seriously, we avoid the two, TWO, extended family events that my family has, but you expect me to call off work for every single one of yours?  Nope, not happening.  That's a minimum three events.  And it's only been in the last couple of years, not the last five like he claimed.).  I stopped trying to figure out what would make them happy.  I think I may have stopped caring even.  I don't worry about holding myself back, at least not too much, but I'm still working on knowing who I am and what exactly I want.  What I'm still willing to put up with and what I need to speak up about not putting up with anymore.

What about you?  Were you a winner or scapegoat?  It's not bad letting others win, just make certain that you find something that matters to you that you don't budge on.  Let the things that don't matter to you slide, but hold fast to the things you feel strongly about.  It's not a bad idea to take a step back or to make a decision to make them work for things.  Family should be those who care about you, not those whom are constantly tearing you down with nothing to help build you back up.

Envy, Pity, and Why?

I've always been envious of others.  I freely admit that I succumb regularly to this sin.  I won't however do anything towards freeing myself of those envies.

My older sister was a straight-A student.  All of my siblings were more popular.  My brother was a boy.  Other girls' hair didn't tangle as quickly.  One of my sisters was a blonde.  Those I call friends were always more open than I or had family members that actually cared about them.  Others were more athletic.  They had better stories to tell or juicy gossip to entrance others with.  They knew exactly what they wanted in life.  They were better looking.  They had better brains.  They had a defined talent.

Then, between Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood(FMAB) and Criminal Minds, I realized something: everyone is envious of something.  We grow up in a society where we are told to be happy with ourselves but can see those whom we look up to long for the hairstyle of someone else.  We are taught that being of a certain look will automatically make one better socially or targeted for social homicide.  Being smart wasn't always so great.

As a matter of fact, even during the nineties early two thousands, being so into a piece of fiction like Doctor Who, Harry Potter, Supernatural, or Sherlock made one the perfect target for bullies.  But we are informed that it's okay to be whom we are even if it is some overzealous stalking fan who may eventually kill.  We are taught that going to the extreme of killing someone is wrong.  Sometimes, as an adult, I envy today's children.

They will likely not be raised to Sabrina, the Teenage Witch; Matlock; Diagnosis Murder; or Power Rangers the way I had been.  But the teasing and dissing of what they enjoy won't be as bad either.  They'll easily find others who enjoy the same things as them due to social media online, but they'll lose that face-to-face interaction that brings about local book clubs and coffee dates(though I despise coffee!)  Children of today's world aren't raised with the story lines we had.  The shows for younger children seem almost above intelligence for their age, and then for the teens, below intelligence levels.

With how we've become severely"do not offend" and "keep things politically correct (PC)" at least in America, it seems our entertainment is taking it to one extreme or the other, and that's not always a good thing.  It just feels as though things aren't the same, and while that's good, on the whole I am not as envious of the next generation as I had thought.

Sure they've got awesome paraphernalia for their fandoms and more ways than ever to keep themselves entertained, but now the corporations are able to connect all of the ways you keep information electronically which makes it a hell of a lot easier to target a person for identity theft.  I've already seen instances in folks my own age trying and failing to do the simple math problems like 29-14 that we had drilled in our heads so much that we could answer thirty of them in a minute without a problem.  They can't walk on their own even down the street for fear of the various types of human predators instead of animal and if they want to stay at a friend's?  Forget it unless they have all manner of ways to immediately be reached by the parents/guardians.  Yes they might have a more tolerant future, but what kind of future is it when they've become slaves to their electronics?  They may not know what a picnic is or enjoy a walk in the woods listening to the lake it surrounds.  They might not be able to enjoy a trail ride or swim freely at the beach.  It's for those reasons that I don't envy them.  Because one day, there might not be parks to walk through, beaches to sun on, or woods to wander, I actually pity them.

Fourth of July or Independence Day

So in America we are raised knowing that the Fourth of July is a holiday.  When we start school we start to learn why it's a holiday.  The really thought provoking part about it, for me at least, is that if we were to tell a non-American "Happy Fourth of July," will they understand why?

Other countries have an Independence Day, but it's not always the same date and for some nations, they may celebrate something completely different or call it by another name(Bastille Day).  It's like how Britain celebrates Guy Fawkes Day and the only reasons Americans even know it exists (unless they watch British TV) is because of calender notations and history classes, if they paid any attention.  So sometimes I start to think, what do tourists who hear "Happy Fourth!" while visiting America think.  Then I start to wonder what else should we say?  I was talking with a customer where I work about it on Thursday night and we thought about Happy Independence Day, but we ran into the same issue, would tourists understand?  Finally we jokingly said goodbye with "Celebrate your independence."  I think this is actually a very fitting greeting for around this time of year.

Now, I live in the Midwest, more specifically in the St. Louis Area.  I have to admit that when I think of Independence Day, yes the Will Smith movie comes to mind, but after that it's extreme heat, barbecues, fireworks in the country, and pools.  So this year when the weather was so gorgeous with no rain and no extreme heat, it was practically perfect.  I will admit that once the sun was down, it a tad chilly for me in shorts and a tank top, but it was still a gorgeous day.

The actual fireworks were a bit of a letdown, though.  It may be just because I'm getting older or because of the state of Illinois' laws on certain types of fireworks, but after watching for a mere fifteen minutes, I was beyond ready to go home.  The highlight was the smiley face that was actually upside down.  Was the firework made like that or was it set off incorrectly?

After we got home (I should probably inform you that I have a dog that had already scratched my legs up profusely) I mistakenly believed the rest of the night would be rather quiet.  One of our neighbors must have had some fireworks they wanted to set off.  I didn't go to look because I suddenly had a lapful of dog and when she doesn't want me to move she becomes extremely heavy.  This usually happens when she's terrified.  Typically, she is only scared of noises that she can't find the source of.  Thunderstorms, she wants to look out the window.  A couple of years ago, there was ice and snow on the roofs that was melting.  As these sheets fell on some of the buildings it would sound like heavy furniture being dropped out the window, if you can imagine that sound when you live on the top floor of your building.  One day we saw it occur and heard the accompanying bang as we were walking.  This allowed us to see the cause and she didn't have an issue with it.  She's even fine around guns(My husband hunts).

Fireworks, however nice to look at, she refuses to listen to at any distance.  In fact, once we were far enough away she couldn't hear them, she enjoyed watching them from our truck window.  I digress though.  Between that neighbor setting off their fireworks in town and the memory of a picture on Facebook of a man putting a sign in his yard that read, "Combat Veteran Lives Here," or something similar, it made me think of a few reasons folks who live within towns, or cities, or have close neighbors, should go out of town to set off fireworks.

The first one was illustrated through my own dog's reaction.  How many dogs completely freak out when the Fourth roles around?  I only ever met a total of none.  Every dog I've ever met hates fireworks.  There have been some that are more tolerant, but they have all been older dogs.  The second was triggered in a way by a memory of an episode of Criminal Minds.  I don't remember which one but a man was caught in a PTSD episode, triggered by a construction zone.  How many veterans of war, gang incident survivors, and others who suffer problems due to loud sounds can safely listen to fireworks at a close distance?  How many in towns or cities who erroneously set off fireworks even think about the possible consequences?  As a child, I never really cared about the sound.  It was just a part of the show, but now I start to wonder just how bad that sound is to not just us, but others as well.